to treat or not to hospital treat? that is the eating disorder…

I Had a look at the eating disorder day case centre: 3 anorexic 16 year old girls, sitting calmly in a small, forcibly comfortable room, one knitting, waiting to not eat. I am a sore thumb. A sore, throbbing thumb 20 years senior than the fingers. It is difficult to feel the place has any …

Fibbing with style… the way to success

C is an inveterate fibber, conducted with such admiral aplomb and conviction it’s hard not to admire it. With factual matters she lives by the rule: say/do it with confidence and people will believe anything i.e. bullshit baffles brains. She is so good at rolling out plausible answers for things she has no business knowing …

Unnerving behaviour 2

Yesterday saw the second round of the de-nerving of front-righty, the treatment that had caused a large amount of pain in the aim of stifling the tooth with attitude.  Arriving early as it was cold and rainy outside, I settled into the established waiting room, a place considerably more established than last week’s temporary version. …

Bulimia is a powerful mistress

he kitchen is a mess, when it came to removing the end caps on the pipe yesterday afternoon, the smug grin, still present even after the dentist, took a swift slap to the face: nether end piece would budge, the kitchen remained a mess and quite dry; like they say ‘beware what you wish for’, …

the anti-walking society

I have a suspicion, backed up by decades of observational evidence that there exists in Britain and probably far beyond, a number of secret societies, which once membership has been attained, for one must be invited to join, one is entitled to act like a subversive malcontent when it comes to moving in public spaces.  …

bulimia and prescription meds….

I popped into the doctors to top up my prescription: antidepressants, Potassium tablets, and the fantastic, loosely termed ‘knee treating’ co-codamol tablets. The computer and medical equipment are apparently illiterate so the doctor also decided to take a blood test, an idea I usually agree to make an appointment for – to subsequently avoid knowing …

Depressed for 20 years…

Apparently I've been depressed for 20 years and now I'm bipolar... ok so it's not that straightforward but that's how it seems when you receive the diagnosis. Now all of a sudden I am important to the NHS, I have a key worker, 2 physicians, a bipolar nurse and am waiting to go on a …

Anxiety crisis… black tie dinner tonight

I'm terrible with organised events, well organised anything really... I just torture myself with the anticipation. We've been booked in for this charity dinner for months now, months to get prepared mentally, or more accurately months to get wound up about... I'm severely anxious about tonight, I'm desperate for a drink.., but can't, I'm almost …

Who needs meds?!?

I'm off my bipolar medication, by choice... it makes me dull, tired, grumpy and a general pain in the ass. I've been up since 0200 this morning... I'm not sleeping again... it's great, I can write to my hearts content... but time does go slowly later in the day. At breakfast I feel like everyone …

Prozac The Brave… or meek and mild?!

I have been taking Fluoxetine (max strength 60 mg) for a while now, English for Prozac, having hit the Cytalopram hard for about a decade. Fluoxetine is an odd fish, almost entirely removing the ability to critically analyse. When you are taking it unhappy feelings or fears for the future disappear as quickly as they …